Coping With Guilt And Chronic PainCoping with guilt and chronic pain can become overwhelming. Feeling guilty about something you said or did? That is not uncommon, even for families that does not have the pain to deal with. How about the guilt associated with being used. This too, is a common problem in many situations. But, in the case of chronic pain that sometimes goes far beyond reason. We try to be as helpful as possible. We want to do everything to accommodate. That is not always what needs to be done. I am sure the person in pain appreciates it, but in time they will be able to do some things for themselves. This is where coping with guilt gets confusing. Should we continue to do everything to help? Probable not? Eventually they will suffer with guilt for allowing the helplessness to continue.
Usually, guilt appears with crossed words or feelings. Are you the one, that wants to do everything to make life easier for the pain sufferer? And, they no longer want all the help you are offering. They would like to gain some independence from all the attention. Try to do things on their own. Maybe, they will need some help to accomplish the task but, they need to try it for themselves. Let them ask for help before you offer assistance. It is important to find a doctor that understands chronic pain and can diagnose and treat the pain properly. Sometimes, the person in chronic pain has self-limiting behavior. For example, I know I can not do that because it will cause me more pain. They need to try and find out if in fact, they can do some things for themselves. As the activities progress, they feel better about what they have done and the guilt will decrease.
Then the chronic pain sufferer may feel guilty for allowing the help to proceed because they like all the attention. Eventually, the caregiver will question just how much they should they really be doing for that person. Are you being used out of sympathy for that person. Yes, you probably are. If they are able to get out of bed by themselves, then let them. If they need a hand from time to time, then give it, but do not volunteer your help if it is not needed. Controlling their own behavior is a good start. They will thank you for it.
Sometimes there are cross words that can make you feel guilty. Often times, it is the pain that is causing the cross words, but sometimes not. If they are trying to be independent, allow them to do so. A person needs to gain some independence. Being helpless is not what people want. They already feel the stigma and disgrace others are putting on them. They will have to confront the blame that others try to lay on them.
Is it the pain or is it the loss of independence. Maybe you are just tired and disgusted with the whole pain thing. By not discussing that feeling, of coping with guilt, it will boil inside you until you say something so negative that someone gets hurt, emotionally. This could happen often as the pain drags on. Knowing that you have
lost your independence
is hard. Your family having to do your responsibilities will cause guilt feelings. Not being able to provide for the family is bad enough. But, not being there when one of the children needs you, is worse. The feeling of not being able to participate in family outings or a family get together, therefore leaves the feeling of disgrace. Try to focus on the things that can be done and not those that can not. Sure, it may hurt, but pacing your activities and limiting yourself will make the difference.
Gaining independence again is very important to the chronic pain sufferer. They may not realize it right away but in time they will.
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Talk and get your feelings out. This way your coping with guilt and anger will be better handled by all involved.
