Living Life In Chronic Pain

One Persons Account of Coping

Who am I?

I have spent so much time and life, as I'm sure everyone has, thinking of all the things I used to do and the person I used to be. I can see my life before and after all this.

The before was so great. Sure I had my problems, but overall I was fairly well. I was the one who had the parties for every occasion.

The one who was there in any crisis, the center of a party, my kids use to say.

All fragments of time and places in my mind that I go back to, when I'm feeling down. But, I also have tried to hang onto that person.

I CAN NOT do the things I use to, period.

And I'm sorry, but I don't want to make compromises that still make me feel like less than I am or what I could be.

I don't want to be reminded anymore of my short comings. I have spent so much time still trying to be THAT person that I've lost site of who I am now.

The fact is, it just isn't possible.

People living with chronic conditions do not want to give up!

They make efforts to laugh, smile, look their best and enjoy everything, even though they know they will pay dearly for it.

Because of this, we should not confuse their endeavors to live fully and be positive, while assuming they are feeling well or doing better.

Instead, let us commend them for their incredible courage, perseverance and persistence that make their illnesses and injuries seem invisible to us.

And I'm not accepting this lying down.

I think I can still be alright even with the changes that chronic pain brings.

You know you try to be up and not let anyone know how difficult things have become. You don't take time to let go even for a minute and say, where do I go from now on?

I don't want to spend the rest of my days in the BEFORE and AFTER.

I just want to somehow live it to the best that I can now.

Friends who have reminded me of my love for reading, music, and yes, and the poetry I used to write, myself. I find laughter and jokes and also sorrow that goes with life coping, with or without pain.

I have had to rid myself of so much anger. I know what I have lost, but now I also know what I have gained.

I want to start anew and reinvent myself. I want to have a healthy lifestyle and rid myself of all the negative feelings.

I will ALWAYS have sad days and days when my pain is almost too much to bear, but I want to go forward also and find the joy and happiness that I thought was forever lost to me.

Plain and simple...

I want to have fun once in awhile, just like every other living breathing human being. I don't think that's too much to ask for.

There is life AFTER Chronic Pain, we just have to look for it.

I have no doubt, when I have one of those days where all this optimism vanishes up in smoke, that I will remember the person I use to be, and even cry for the loss, but I would like to grieve for her passing and celebrate who she was, and maybe....just maybe,take part of her along with me for the ride......

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